Countdown to 22!

Hi everyone! and jummah mubarak

I hope that all is going for the best for everyone and that each had a pleasant time gathering with loved ones, and if you did not, I hope you still had a great time!

Again, it has been a while since last I wrote, because I have been trying to deal with depression and it has not been the easiest, particularly around this time of the year.

Anyway, earlier this semester, I was working on a fellowship application; the Schwarzman Scholars. It is a scholarship that provides students from all around the world with the opportunity to spend a year at Tsinghua University in Beijing, China while pursuing a Masters of Global Affairs and gaining leadership skills, and of course, and incredible network and travels around China.

I applied, was offered an interview, and unfortunately, I was put on the alternate/waitlist for the Schwarzman Scholars Class of 2019. Now, being chosen as an alternate is a great honour, not only does it mean that they really appreciated my application and my interview, but it also means that I still have a chance, for which I am incredibly grateful.

Yet, when I recieved the news, I was crushed. My interview had gone so well, I met incredible individuals, and I left New York City feeling supremely confident. So, when I learnt that I had not been selected, I spent the entire week in my room. I did not go to class. I barely ate. I could not interact with anyone. I felt like a failure. I felt like I was not enough. I felt like all I had achieved so far in my academic career was useless. I felt worthless. I kept reviewing my application, looking for what could have went wrong, I kept repeating and reviewing my interview in my head, thinking of what I could have said better, what I should have added, what I could have kept to myself. It was probably the worst week of the year so far. It was so bad that I got myself physically sick, and I had the worst period of my life, but alhamdulillah, I am recovering. Again, I am extremely grateful for having been put on the alternate list, and I am still very hopeful and eager to hear about any update on my status.

This whole process had me rethinking my post-graduate plans. In fact, I thought about how worst my mental health has gotten over the years, and that I probably need to go home for a bit. Being away has been the best experience of my life so far, and I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to accomplish all I have, yet being away is hard, yo. It probably gets harder as the end approaches, but at this point, I cannot wait to be home.

 

Sorry for the blurry photo but I really wanted to show my senior photo

Love,

Faty.

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